Death, Grief and what comes next???

RIP mum…..

Well how does one start to put into words what has happened in the last year. Hmm last year, let’s say March 2020 my life changed in the most extraordinary way. My mother who was a health care worker during the beginning of COVID had died and wow did that hurt the family. I was the one who called the ambulance and the one who found my mothers body and in split second she was gone.

Nobody could tell me what comes next in dealing with all that comes with death. I wasn’t prepared for all that lost, my siblings wasn’t prepared for the lost. We lost our anchor, the leader of our family.

I was giving the task of dealing with all the next steps of organising a funeral. A state of shock that never left all of us. How do we still talk to our grandparents when they are hurt the world as we know it took the oldest daughter without a care in the world. How do we talk to our aunts and uncles they lost their sister who they loved dearly. Hurt is around us and we have to figure out how to move with it. Friends are lost as we are lost.

Blindsided by the hurt and how final death is. It sometimes chocked me how much I had to deal with all that came with the lost. Being the eldest how do I shelter the younger kids from the lost??? Something I can’t help fix.

As well as dealing with the lost of our mother. We had a new normal as we suddenly became carers for our younger siblings and I was pregnant at the time so that added to our hurt.

We had a father that never really existed in our little family. So we are kinda alone in that way. So it’s up to us to raise our siblings. But we have the family support to help us always.

A year later and we are moving forward but it’s painful everyday but I know she wouldn’t want us living in the hurt of her not being here.

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